Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
