As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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