Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just gargled with NyQuil
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
