how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
