Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
