Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
