I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
