I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
