OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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