Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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