did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
