he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
