Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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