Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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