before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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