My hand turned me down
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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