Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
