Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
