If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
