i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
