I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
