I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize