I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
