hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
