o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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