Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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