I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
