theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
