i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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