i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
