i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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