So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
