I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
