I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
