remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
