once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
