i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
