We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
another moral hangover. fuck.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
