My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
