pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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