You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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