I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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