I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
