I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
