That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
