HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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