but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
