wanna go halves on a baby?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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