Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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