Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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