break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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