What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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