it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
