were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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