Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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