I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
