apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize