I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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