Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
