you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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