they need to just BURY HIM!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize