I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
