youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize