My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
