covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
