life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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