I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
