Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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