now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
