It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
