Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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