You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
