The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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