hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
